All my ambition
Is stuck inside my throat again
Got no where else to go
But the gutters in my head
I think my mindset
Could use a reset
But when I try to rewire
It sets my nerves on fire
I let my soul expire
I don't wanna be
A slave to apathy
But god damn it's just so addicting (I'm running out of fucks to give)
Even still I dream
But it bleeds my self esteem
So they lie still in the corner
On the border of life and death
Stop and take one last breath
And just maybe (just maybe)
I'll set it in motion
Tomorrow
(aw, fuck-)
Threw my bones in the grinder again today
It's just what you gotta do to get by
Or so they say
Tell myself that the broken screen
Gives my heart everything I need
But can I really feel complete
With a life that's stuck on repeat
repeat
repeat
repeat
repeat
repeat
repeat
repeat
re-
I don't wanna be
A slave to apathy
But god damn it's just so addicting (I'm running out of fucks to give)
Even still I dream
But it bleeds my self esteem
So they lie still in the corner
On the border of life and death
Stop and take one last breath
And just maybe (just maybe)
I'll set it in motion
Tomorrow
Head heavy but my brain won't let me rest my eyes
Godspeed to the dreamers who chase those highest highs
If I were able to live such a fable, would it be enough
Would ambition overload, implode when the going gets too rough
It's just never enough
I don't wanna be
A slave to apathy
But god damn it's just so addicting (I'm running out of fucks to give)
Even still I dream
But it bleeds my self esteem
So they lie still in the corner
On the border of life and death
Stop and take one last breath
And just maybe (just maybe)
And just maybe (just maybe)
And just maybe (just maybe)
I'll set it in motion
Tomorrow
mood
Okay I initially had that there as a placeholder but honestly it's the most accurate thing to say so I'm going to leave it there.
This song is one of few songs that feel like they shoot at the very core of my soul, not just something I relate to, or find emotionally resonant, or cry to a lot, but something that makes me genuinely feel seen. I've alluded to this a bit over the years, but I generally am the type of person who gets ideas to do something and then doesn't have the determination to be able to finish them or even start them. There are a lot of songs that are about writer's block, and I only vaguely relate to any of them, because -- what's being blocked? What kind of writer? You can't exactly call yourself an artist that's struggling to make art when you never really made art in the first place. It just makes me feel like a poser, I need a song that's about having the ideas and not being able to act on them despite wanting to, despite feeling strongly that one should be able to and despite feeling like one must.
So when I was discovering Flanger Moose's music, I found this track and finally felt like someone else was sharing my problem in this world.
Literally every single line in this song I relate to. Having your ideas feeling stuck inside your brain and being unable to get them out, wanting to adjust your life so you can do that work but it causing a nervous breakdown, feeling like I'm stuck trying to feel aloof and apathetic about everything so I can avoid thinking about it, Having this lack of action constantly eat at my self-esteem, and the metaphor of comparing the ideas sitting and not being worked on to last breaths, and after all that, resolving to fix your whole life tomorrow.
On top of that, using the internet to distract myself from this desire (and it almost works, which is the scary thing), feeling like I'm just looping a stuck life with nothing else I'm doing
Even with the bridge, being so happy for people who are able to speak and share their voice and their art, while feeling like I might not be able to do it myself if things actually get serious and being terrified that if I do make art I still wouldn't be happy.
It's a greatest hits from my everyday anxieties, to be completely honest. This song is basically an anthem for me, and it's the most motivational thing in the world to see someone else making music who also struggles with this. It makes me feel like what I have going on doesn't make it impossible for me to make things, and I'm not just cursed to be forever unable to create what I want.